Emotional Intelligence isn’t the hot topic anymore. It’s no longer the new shiny thing that everyone wants a piece of. It’s not dominating my Twitter feed or featuring in the title of every other article on Linked In.
Have you stopped talking about it?
When you learnt about EQ did you do a self-assessment and recognise your strengths were good enough and leave it there? Did you realise that you have some? That Emotional Intelligence is not a fixed personality trait and we all have the capacity to harness our emotions and develop our EQ, and then feel assured that you’ll be ok. Did you realise that ‘oh I do that anyway, I just didn’t know that was the term for it’. You’re an emotionally intelligent leader – boom. I wonder if you learnt about your competencies in EQ, owned them, then took them for granted.
Are you done?
I don’t want to talk about EQ either, I want to talk about Emotional Labour. I want to talk about the cognitive work. I want to hear about the practice and the stuff you do that builds, grows and sustains EQ. The stuff you do that rebuilds your capacity for empathy, your tolerance for others, your compassion, when it gets depleted. The restorative work.
When Maslow (once a humanist…) theorised about self-actualisation do you think he intended to inspire us to climb the pyramid and rest there at the top enjoying that state. Or was the intended learning to aspire and to fulfil our needs to motivate us to reach a state where self-actualising is possible. Then reach for it again. And again. And to recognise that these needs are always going to be there, and are always going to require our attention first.
Is the path to enlightenment about getting to the end of the path to reach that esoteric state and status. Of being at one with ourselves and the world. And everything thriving for that. Or is it the path.
Last week I was lucky enough to attend the EQ Summit where Ruby Wax shared her story with wit and straightforwardness that evoked intrigue to know more. She spoke fast with edge and offered a rollercoaster of depth and humour. My post-event-drinking-buddy of choice would have been Ruby. Her interest in her own mental health and general fascination with people and how they tick motivated her to study Psychology at college (US). Then later after spending much time and money procuring help from psychiatric professionals she sough more understaning and more answers leading her to a Neuroscience Professor at Oxford (UK) of whom she asked straight questions in search of straight answers. Desperate to learn what was happening in the intricacies of her own synapses that caused the spirals of overwhelming thinking that she felt unable to master. The answer wasn’t simple, or straightforward: ‘if you want to understand that you need to take a Masters at Oxford’. And so she did. Today she stands and talks about Mindfulness. The everyday practice of Mindfulness. The conversation today is not her academia, the neuroscience relations that play out in our brain cells, nor her competencies and skills – its how, and what, and practice. The practice of developing and maintaining EQ for a better quality of life for self and others around you. And Mindfulness is one of those practices. And she stole my heart because she unreservedly demonstrated the importance between the two: academia and practice. How one is nothing without the other. Each strengthening the mind to enhance engagement and benefit from the other. Beautiful.
Practising Yoga is called yoga practice because its… practise. The end is not the headstand. Running is not about the finish line. Its about the internal conversation when you think you can’t go anymore. The more I learn about EQ the more I realise it’s all the good stuff we do thats enables mastery and self-leadership – especially when thats hard. I’m not done.