When you describe me as fluffy…what does that mean?
Do you mean it derogatorily or was it intended as a compliment?
Do you mean I don’t get the hard stuff? Or I can’t do difficult stuff? I’m not assertive? I’m not strong or tough? Or scientific in the way I work?
Do you mean that I’m too nice when people need to be ‘told how it is’, ‘spoken to’ or given the hardline?
Do you mean emotional? Because I work with emotion, not against. Because I have a human brain not a mechanical one, with an amygdala and a wonderful neo-cortex waiting to be used to its full potential, and an endocrine system that will always keep me on my toes. Because I encourage people to feel something and notice it?
Do you mean that I think empathy is the most important thing in the world, and that I ask too many questions to try and understand more, and better? Like asking how someone is and persuing that line of inquiry with genuine interest and acceptance, of whatever there answer might be.
Do you mean fearless? Fearlessness in moments of complexity and discomfort, and choosing to go towards instead of retreat because you know however uncomfortable the physiological response gets, and however much my mind plays negative thoughts on a loop, the vulnerability will be worth what happens afterwards.
Do you mean compassionate? Compassionate towards people and in moments when it’s hard to be because you deeply disagree with the behaviours of that person and feel that turmoil in your stomach but you know compassion is the better choice for equality.
Do you mean determined? Determined to create and design impactful learning opportunities that get people reflecting, and thinking, and feeling….and uncomfortable …way out of their comfort zone and into their stretch zone. Instead of the same theories again, and again, pedagogically pushing adults to default to a student position, in which they arrive eager to do, just to please me(?) and to play the role they think they should, or rebel from it.
when you call me fluffy… Do you mean i can articulate my emotional responses and tell you that standing in front of you there’s an itchy ball of rock that rises with ebb and flow just here …and it makes YOU uncomfortable, because I’m fluffy.
Yet in my fluffy state I’m too soft and weak for all this …I give up.
Yes I am fluffy and soft
And its harder than you’ll ever know.
Jo Wainwright 