I’ve had enough of it, and yet I don’t know what ‘it’ is exactly. I’m not even sure where to make this statement or who will hear it or even listen because as a topic I might have occasionally brought up (not enough times) I have seen your subtle eye-roll and dismissal so many times, and I understand your body language. You’ve even looked me up and down and decided I shouldn’t mind the attention. Rather, should Be grateful for it, because your youth has gone. I know you’d rather not talk about it. But it is #metoo far too often.
I know its #notallmen (see how I even have to get this bit in here..) and I know, value and cherish my relationships with wonderful men. Some who are feminists. All who look at my eyes and face when we have a conversation.
Yesterday a ‘Pastor’ let all Pastors down. Ok… #notallpastors Sitting in a chemo ward, stroking your friends arm, and reading to her, is not an open invite for an unwanted visitor. It’s not ok to intrude on that, especially without intro or permission. Or to attempt to convince us about the power of positive thinking. Or to look down my top 3 times.
Do you have any idea how many people now approach her, who she’s never spoken to before, to tilt there head and softly ask “how are you doing”? Now its visible and her hair is gone, cancer is an open invite for everyone. Noticed, everywhere. That intrusion and that question… the sympathetic stare; does it benefit her or the person asking? So they can end the day knowing that they’ve been kind to the school Mum with cancer.
Do large boobs and big hair mean I always have to be an object? Noticed.
Why do I care?
Where has my armour gone? What is, and was, my armour?
Did I carry a different confidence or mindset when I was employed by an addiction and mental health charity ? I was used to this. Where is that now?
The woman on the bus yesterday, the lady on the train 2 weeks ago with the insistent racist abuse towards me.
Now it’s just me. Protected by me. And how I choose to respond.
Somedays it would be nice to be invisible wouldn’t it?